If It Meant Living-1: Beginnings

If It Meant Living – Chapter 1
"Beginnings"

Title: If It Meant Living – Chapter 1:  "Beginnings"
Author: Graceyn
Game: Mass Effect/Mass Effect 2
Characters/pairing: femShep/Kaidan
Disclaimer: Bioware owns all rights to Mass Effect and its characters
Content Warning: Violence, Language

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Author's Note (Updated!):  As this fic is appearing in new #Groups and people may be coming to it for the first time, I wanted to cover a few things. First, "If It Meant Living" IS complete: 72 Chapters, covering the entirety of the ME trilogy and stretching a little beyond the end of ME3.  The chapters get longer, the story gets more deep and complex...my writing gets better . It's a long way to read, but I can promise you it will be worth it - every step of the way, and at the end.  The "stock" Author's Note on later chapters will say that the story is canonical with respect to major events, and it is...mostly. Until it isn't . But there is so much more that goes on, and more than a few surprises along the way.

You will always find a link to the next chapter in the Description section at the end, so even if not all the chapters are in a Group yet, you can just keep reading! All chapters can also be found in my Gallery.  

You may see something called "If It Meant Living: Tales" floating around. This is a series of one-shots set in the same universe, essentially running parallel to this story. While I always love for people to read what I write, if you haven't finished reading THIS story, you do run the risk of being spoiled if you read any "Tales." Even worse, there is also a full (and complete) sequel to "If It Meant Living", titled "Beyond." Needless to say, completing this story before starting "Beyond" is recommended.

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The whole classroom stared at Graceyn Shepard.  She was undeterred.

"It's just that… Anna Karenina is a completely uninspiring heroine!  She whines for 800 pages then commits suicide.  For that time period she has all the luxuries of life handed to her.  She's beautiful.  She has more than one man who loves her.  But instead of appreciating any of it, instead of embracing the gifts of her life, she destroys it all and ultimately herself!  You know, if Anna was the image of a female heroine of the time, it's no wonder it took another 100 years before women were allowed to fight in the military."  Shepard made a face of disgust and slouched back down in her desk.

The teacher couldn't help but smile inwardly at this remarkable, precocious girl.  She's not long for this planet, that's for sure.  Cognizant, however, that she was still teaching a class full of unruly 13 year olds, she instead said "But Graceyn, can you at least admit that Anna went through a number of very difficult and challenging experiences in her life?"

Shepard frowned, eyes narrowed.  "Doesn't everyone?  That's no excuse for –"  The bell rang, cutting off what she thought was a perfectly valid argument.  

As she gathered her books and headed out the door Riley approached her.  "Hey, want to come over this evening and study Algebra?"

Riley was her boyfriend – despite the fact that her parents insisted 13 year-old girls did not have boyfriends.  Okay, fine.  He was mostly her friend, but they had kissed a few times – more so recently.  It was awkward and fumbling but they were getting better at it.  Riley was smart and funny, if unremarkably normal in the looks department, which was fine with Shepard; all the really cute boys were stuck-up and obnoxious.  "Sure!" she smiled broadly, letting go the contemptible Anna Karenina.

***

"What are you watching?  I thought we were studying Algebra."

"It's this show about a vampire, only he's good and honorable.  Well, most of the time."

Riley had a thing for late 20th century "TV" vids.  For the life of her she couldn't figure out why.  The modern world was much more interesting.

She sighed.  "What about that Stargate show?  At least it had space travel and other planets and aliens."

Riley shot her an exasperated look over his shoulder.  "That show's boring.  We can already do all that stuff, there's no mystery.  But vampires could be REAL!"  He lunged over the couch, clawed hand reaching towards her face menacingly.  She giggled, dodged his hand effortlessly, and plopped down next to him.  On the vid a teenage girl ran around her bedroom packing her clothes while two adults looked on disapprovingly.

"Is that one of the main characters?"

"Nah, though she's a regular.  You know, she kind of reminds me of you…"

Shepard raised an eyebrow at him.  "What?  She's got long brown hair and is scrawny!"

"Yeah…" Riley replied thoughtfully.  "You are prettier than her."  Shepard tried not to giggle, instead plastering a look of curiosity on her face.  "Is that so?"

"Well, yeah.  I mean, you –"

"Rewind it" Shepard interrupted.

"Okaaaaay" Riley frowned.

On the vid the girl turned to the older man with a look of exasperation and said "Dad, I love you like pancakes, but I'm getting the hell outta here!" and resumed packing.

Shepard flashed a half-smile and her face took on a thoughtful, faraway look that made her seem aged well beyond her young years.  Riley never could figure out that look.

"I like it."

**********

The crowd cheered as the home team scored a goal.  Shepard looked on in amusement.  She enjoyed rugby.  The intensity of the gameplay, the athleticism of the players, the floodlights illuminating the night, the energy of the crowd.  She wasn't entirely sure of the wisdom of throwing oneself repeatedly into other players at great risk of personal injury, all for a chance at glory.  Though now that she thought about it the idea might have some merit.

Despite enjoying the game and the companionship of her friends, however, Shepard was bored.   She simply couldn't believe she had almost two more years until graduation, until she could get off this backwater colony.  Two years!  School was unchallenging; she got top marks without working very hard, and that gave her plenty of time to read up on the happenings around the galaxy.  Humanity's first contact with alien species only occurred 12 years ago, but already humans had an embassy on the Citadel, the remarkable super-structure that served as the hub of galactic society.  There was so much going on out there, events were moving so fast, humans were expanding throughout the galaxy, and aliens were everywhere!  Except here.

Shepard sighed inwardly and felt the sudden urge to go running.  Whenever she got angsty and fidgety she went for a run.  Ostensibly she was training for the distance running competitions but she was already easily the fastest on the team.  No, she was running for herself – to feel the wind on her bare skin, to stare up at the sky and make her plans.  As she ran in circles.  Mindoir was a small town even by colony standards and the undeveloped land beyond still held dangers.  So she ran around the entirety of the town, around and around…

She glanced up at the night sky as a group of lights appeared to fly overhead.  Hmm.  Transit ships weren't that common on Mindoir, especially at night.  The crowd roared as the game clock ran out, the home team victorious.

If the crowd hadn't erupted in cheers at that moment she may have heard the high-pitched whine of the gunships' engines as they hard-banked into town.  If the crowd hadn't erupted in cheers at that moment they might have had more warning.  Some of them might have lived.

As the crowd dispersed Shepard strolled with her group of girlfriends towards the local hangout.  The only hangout.  Jennifer was gabbing on – and on – about the most fabulous new clothing styles she had seen on the extranet the other day.

Everything seemed to happen at once.  The unmistakable sound of staccato gunfire broke through the night.  The emergency sirens wailed.  Someone screamed.  Then another.  Shepard looked to her left towards the screams just as Jennifer's chest exploded in blood and gore.

She ran.

She ran faster than she had ever run before.  She ran towards the dark, instinctively knowing that only in the shadows did she have a chance of staying alive.  She ran through the streets and around the corners towards home as explosions started ringing out.  At home were her parents.  At home there were guns.  

She rounded a corner and collided with…an alien.  Even in the dark she could see his four eyes.  Batarian.  She had never actually seen a Batarian before, of course, or any alien for that matter, but she had devoured the news vids for years now and prided herself on being able to recognize all the major alien species on sight.

The Batarian – grinned? – lecherously at her, lowering his assault rifle a bit and reaching for her.  "My, aren't you a pretty little thing.  You'll fetch a nice price, better keep you alive."

Consumed with rage and fear, Shepard reacted without thought.  The Batarian went flying 20 feet through the air, slammed into the side of a building, and crumpled in a heap on the ground.

For a split-second Shepard froze.  Was she a biotic??  Memories flew through her mind.  A propensity to create static electricity; a voracious appetite that never touched her athletic but slim figure; the odd tingling sensation that occasionally rippled inside her skin when she got emotional; the two or three times objects had seemed to move on their own, chalked up to "ghosts" by any friends in the vicinity.  But how?  She wasn't actually born on Mindoir; her parents lived on Earth until she was 6 months old and the colonization opportunity opened up.

No matter.  Later.

She ran.

She skidded around the last corner and barreled into her house screaming for her father.  He came out of the kitchen, loading the shotgun as he did so.

"It's Batarians!  They're attacking in the town square!  People have been shot!  Jennifer-"

"Get down Graceyn!  Hide, now!"

She nodded, running past him into the kitchen.  Just then two Batarians appeared in the doorway and the world exploded in gunfire.

It was over in a matter of seconds.  She peeked around the corner.  The two Batarians lay sprawled in the doorway bleeding from numerous shotgun wounds.  Her father lay on the floor a few feet away, an ominous pool of blood spreading under him.

She crawled to him – "Dad!  Dad, hold on!  Let me help you."  He reached up and grasped her arm, letting out a horrible gurgling cough.  "Graceyn…you're so grown up, so beautiful, so strong…"  He coughed again, this time sputtering blood down his chin.  "I need you to do something for me, okay?  You survive.  Find a way to survive.  Live."

He let out a last gurgled breath and was silent.  She huddled on the floor next to him in quiet devastation.  The right side of the house exploded, catching the outer edge of an explosion.  Momentarily stunned, she shook it off and stared at the large pile of rubble that moments ago had been her bedroom.  She looked back at her father one last time, whispered in a strangled voice "I will, Dad" and crawled under the rubble to hide.

To live.